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A List

04/12/2002 - 3:49 p.m.


I've seen a buncha "Lotsa Things About Me" entries lately, so I figured I'd do one too. So, in no particular order, here are a haufen of things you don't know about Red.

1. One day I said to myself, I bet I'd like riding motorcycles. So I went out and bought one.

2. I was right.

3. I have over 2000 long playing records, and an uncounted number of 45s.

4. I used to have my ears pierced, but I haven't worn an earring in at least 9 years. This is for two reasons: one, they get in the way of my helmet; two, I just can't be bothered anymore.

5. I have no other piercings.

6. I have no tattoos, either.

7. Occasionally I think about getting a tattoo, but then I never do. I guess I'm just never drunk enough when I'm near a tattoo parlor.

8. I really dig 8-balls.

9. I like having my hair short, but I hate getting it cut.

10. My fingernails grow freakishly fast.

11. My hair grows really fast too.

12. I can dislocate and relocate my thumbs at will. I have only found one use for this skill, but I'm not going to tell you what it is.

13. I believe in the G-spot.

14. I dig little plastic guys, especially space-oriented ones.

15. I have a very strong affinity for rainy days.

16. I like all kinds of music, except country and rap.

17. #16 is a lie. I also don't much like symphonic music.

18. #17 is a lie. Becuase I really do like country and rap, but I still don't like symphonic music.

19. I love frozen Snickers.

20. I hate all shellfish, except: shrimp, clam chowder, and the occasional raw oyster.

21. Once, when I was drunk, I ate half a habanero pepper that had been used as a garnish on my plate. I thought it was some other kind of pepper, obviously, cuz who would use a filthy habanero as a shazblazzid garnish? I am told that I turned many interesting shades of purple. I remember the terrible realization of what I had just done, and I remember the several minutes of eating apple, rice, and black beans, but I don't really remember the pain too well, because, as I said, I was drunk.

22. One of my all-time favorite songs is "Evening Gown" by the Left Banke. Yes, they're the guys who did that irritating "Walk Away Renee" song, but they had a whole bunch of much better songs, like "Men Are Building Sand" and "Pretty Ballerina." And "Evening Gown." Trust me.

23. I've been working with computers daily (or at least business daily) for 15 years now and I still can't touch-type.

24. I have no identified allergies, although I am pretty sure that I was allergic to this perfume that a girl I dated in college wore once. I had hives all over my body. It freaked her out so much she never wore any perfume again, even though I told her that other perfumes were ok. I have long since forgotten what the name of the perfume was.

25. Raspberry. Good.

26. Some day I want to cover a Prince tune, probably "Pop Life." Or maybe "Shy."

27. My secret super power is the ability to instantly sweat through a shirt as soon as I get onstage. I have never found any use for this secret super power.

28. I was once stalked by a woman with multiple personalities. Well, not exactly stalked, but she called me a few times and sent me a bunch of letters, each of them from a different person. Eventaully, after I told her that she had to stop contacting me for the 3rd time, she did.

29. I'm a baritone.

30. I absolutely positively hate astrology, runes, tarot, all that schmuh.

31. When I was a kid, I was kind of obsessed by making things even. I used to hop uyp the last stair on odd-numbered stairs, and chew equally on both sides of my mouth, and if I bought penny candy, I would always buy an even number. I don't do that so much now, though it still crops up occasionally.

32. I want a new drug.

33. I invented monkeys.

34. I used to astonish all my pals at the record store by being able to do "Rock Box" by Run-DMC. A capella.

35. I can't do it anymore.

36. When I was young, I never needed anyone, and making love was just for fun.

37. Those days are gone.

38. I hate organ meats.

39. The most horrible food I ever ate was in Germany - it was a candle-pin-bowling-ball-sized meatball called a Leberknoedel, made out of all the organ meats of a deer. Including the lungs. It was awful, but my friend's mom made it, so the only person at the table who escaped the horror was the little brother, who got away with murder.

40. I love lemonade.

41. I read at least a book a week. Sometimes they are books I've read before.

42. I haven't done my taxes yet.

43. I have accepted Elvis as my personal savior, and that's all right, mama.

44. I forgive Sanrio all, because they invented Badtz-maru, and there's no doubt that he rocks.








Music to listify by:
The Very Things - "Information" (The Bushes Scream While My Daddy Prunes)
" What do you want?
What do you want?
What do you want?
What do you want?
Information."






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