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More Motorbike Follies
10/17/2003 - 11:01 a.m.
Got my motorbike towed yesterday.
Totally spaced on the fact that it was street cleaning day. And, sadly, the cop who has been driving around all summer blowing his siren and using his PA to tell us that we need to move our cars did not show up for work yesterday.
So, they towed my bike, which meant that this morning I had to go get it back. In Somerville MA where I live the deal is - you have to go to the police station to get a release form, then you have to go down by the garbage truck storage facility to the place where they stored your vehicle, which, while not actually in the garbage truck storage facility, certainly smells as bad as the garbage truck facility.
And here's the best part - they treat you like the scum you are. How dare you get your vehicle towed? Who do you think you are? You are not going to get any sympathy here, buddy, so just get used to it. The very idea!
First, when you get into the police station, there's no one there, so you have to wait for 10 minutes. Good thing I didn't just get shot in a driveby! Then when a police officer actually deigns to stop by the desk, he assumes you're all set even though you're standing there alone and obviously no one is doing anything for you. Still, he will, with great effort, deign to take your registration and go into the back, slowly.
3 or 4 minutes later, another cop will come out of the back with your registration in hand, and ask if you have a driver's license with you. Most people I know have their driver's license with them at all times. I suppose that policemen deal with people who don't occasionally, but I can't believe it's so often that they expect it to be a likely situation.
Once they have your registration and driver's license in hand, they will compare the information to ensure that they match, then they will ask if the motorcycle (or car, if you don't have a motorcycle) is yours. Hmm, you will say to yourself, good question, seeing as the name and addresses on the two documents I just gave you match, I can see how you'd wonder about that one. Don't say that out loud though - cops don't enjoy sarcasm. Then the officer will dig the required document out of a box right there on the desk, making you wonder what on earth the first officer had to go in the back for. Probably some serious police business. 211 at the Dunkin' Donuts, perhaps.
Oh, you want directions to the tow yard? Geez, you look like the kind of fella who would be intimately familiar with the tow yard - you have a kind of yardbirdish look about you. Well, it's blah blah blah turn blah blah go blah. Now get out of here, you - you - bad parker! What's that? No, I don't know how much the fee is. Why would you expect me to knowsomething like that? Do I look like the kind of person who woud have his car towed?
So off we go to the tow lot, after first getting a ton of cash out of the bank machine because, you know, they don't take checks. And the guys in the tow lot are as ornery as you'd think they'd be, what with being next to the garbage truck place and covered with oil and the missing hands and having to deal with the kind of worthless trash that would have their vehicle towed. They don't want you there and they barely want your money and they don't care if you know it.
What? You're here to pick uyp a motorcycle? Really? Huh. I guess that explains the motorcycle helmet in your hand. Where is it from? What? You don;t know what I mean when I ask where it's from? Never mind, I'll huff and paw through the book using my only hand, rather than explain what I mean. What?!?!?! You don't know how much the fee is? Well, it's 95 dollars. What kind of a moron doesn't know the tow fee? Oh, you see it out the window? Good, there it is, here's your receipt, get out of here, you cousin of Satan, and never darken my beautiful tow lot's door again.
Actually, I lied at the beginning of the 4th paragraph - the best part wasn't being treated like a pariah for the crime of getting my motorbike towed - the best part was the bright green crap they wrote all over my mirrors with, so that I had to scrub it off with my thumbnail. After all, who doesn't love that?
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