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Banks And The Failed Lunch
04/30/2002 - 2:19 p.m.
Could lunch have gone any more poorly? Dig. I am in the process of changing bank accounts, and if you've never done it, I promise you, don't if you don't truly hate the bank that swallowed your old bank with a passion that verges on the maniacal. Then, you should. Regardless of the hassle. I mean, do you really need that stress? No, says Red, you don't.
Anyway, I goofed - I wrote a check on the account that I shouldn't have, cuz all the money was in the other account, so I had to go to the one bank to get the money to cover the check and deposit it into the other bank, because Elvis forbid you could just do an electronic transfer yourself, oh no oh no, why would you even want to do such a thing?
So I had to go down the long construction road to get to the one bank, and it took forever, because of the construction, and I was much later getting to work than I thought I would be, so I said to myself, "Hey, Red, you should stop and get one of those new Burger King Veggie Burgers and try 'em out, and eat while you're driving so that you can save time and jump right to work when you get back to the office."
"Good idea, Red," I responded, and got off the highway to go to said BK Lounge, anticipating mounds of veggie goodness and a deelishus nice-cold co-cola.
Well, the best-laid plans of rice and Red, as they say. First off, they didn't even have the Veggie Burger, so I deceided to get a Chicken Whopper instead. Second, I ordered the Valyoo Meel by mistake, which meant I got fries, which I didn't really want. How can you order a Valyoo Meel by mistake, I hear you ask, and a good little question it is, but trust me, it's easy. Eezy freezy. It's like the time I called a friend in another state, and she wasn't home, and I left a message, and gave the number at my friend's house, rather than mine, and I didn't realize it and neither did the person who answered the phone. You'd think one of us would have, but no. See how easy it is to goof up when you're looking at something written down and talking at the same time?
So, I have a sandwich I didn't really want, and fries I really didn't want, and a nice-cold co-cola, which I did want. So here's ole Red, driving through the parking lot -
La la la - unwrap the straw, poke it in through the little sexy hole jigger, la la la, mmmm yummy co-cola, sip slurp glurp *cough*! Hey this isn't a nice-cold co-cola, it's a nice-cold diet co-cola hack phoo yuk filth!So ole Red parks his car and goes in to exchange the putrid and horrible diet co-cola for some good old real co-cola, and luckily they have self-serve soda machines so I don't have to talk to anyone, cuz I'm not really that peeved cuz because it's an easy mistake to make, they do look an awful lot alike, but ole Red has a tendency to get kinda peevish when dealing with FastFoodroids, plus also too I'm in a bit of a hurry, so I just pour out the evil swill and replace it with Elvis's own elixir of goodness, and off I go back to my car.
I settle in all snuglike, put on my seatbelt, as I always do, because ole Red is all about the safety, turn Patti Smith Group's Horses back on, and drive out into traffic. Now because like I said ole Red is all about the safety, I head out to the highway before I take a heaping chewy bite out of the aforementioned Chicken Whopper, which I am very much looking forward to, one because the old BK Broiler was pretty good, and two because I am mongo hungry, what with all the running around I did and no breakfast and all, and man alive I swear to Elvis and his sainted boxer shorts this is one of the worst fast food experiences I have ever had. It is inedible. Just appalingly bad. I have another bite just to be sure, and it is even less palatable than the first.
So now, I'm all pleased that I got the combo by mistake, because at least I can eat the fries. Right?
Right?
Right?
Au contraire, mon frere, because these fries were made by SALT MAN, the Man of Sodium! I think the recipe for these fries went like this:
Take 1 pound salt - add to 4 cups cooking oil, dissolve, add another cup of salt, dissolve, fry potato juliennes in salt-oil mixture, remove potato juliennes from salt-oil mixture, drain, roll in salt, let cool, add salt to taste.So, yup, my lunch today consisted of two bites of Chicken Whopper, 6 or 7 fries, and a medium co-cola. Please address all health questions to someone else, cuz I clearly have no idea what I'm doing in this arena!
I was gonna add some pix because today is Diaryland Show And Tell Day� according to Fadein, but this entry got a bit long-winded so I'll do it in another entry. Oh cool, that'll give me the Red Blur Photo Gallery I've been threatening to make for a while..... wahoo.
Music to lose my appetite by:
Patti Smith Group - "Free Money" (Horses)
"I'll buy you a jet plane, baby,
Get you on a higher plane to a jetstream
And take you through the stratosphere
And check out the planets there and then take you down deep
Where it's hot, hot in Arabia, baby
Then cool, cold fields of snow
And we'll roll - dream - roll - dream
Roll - roll - dream - dream!"
See what I did there? I went and moved my diaryring to a rings and reviews page!
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