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Call Me Now! (866) 206-9067 x3879 A Page from Red's Cookbook 05/07/2002 - 11:21 a.m. I was gonna put this in Minderella's guestbook, cuz she's looking for easy recip�s, but then I thought, "why not give it to all my D-land pals? So, I will now share with you one of my very own invented by me recipes - "Red's Eeeeeeevil Onion Salad" - always a big hit at barbeques and picnics. You will need - ♦ one red onion (actually they're purple, but they call them red, which is good enough for me) ♦ a bunch of fresh basil ♦ a bunch of fresh cilantro ♦ several ripe tomatoes (don't even bother if they're not ripe like real tomatoes - none of that orangy cardboard gas-ripened nonsense ♦ olive oil ♦ some fancy-schmancy expensive vinegar - I usually use balsamic ♦ dry mustard ♦ a sharp knife ♦ a cutting board ♦ a big bowl ♦ a fork ♦ a cup ♦ things to mix up the salad with - salad servers, or a couple sticks, or your hands ♦ a trash receptacle ♦ a sink ♦ water ♦ a dish (or paper) towel How to make it: 0. Using some of the water, wash the tomatoes in the sink. Let them drain - it doesn't matter if they're still wet later. With the rest of the water, wash the cilantro and basil in the sink. Pat them dry with the dish (or paper) towel. They should be fairly dry, but not arid. 1. Using the knife, peel the red onion, depositing the peeled bits in the trash receptacle. 2. Place the onion on the cutting board, and use the knife to chop it up into bits. I usually make them about 1/2 to 1 inch long, but you can chop them to the size you prefer. Try not to cry during this procedure. (see variation 1) 3. Put the chopped onion bits in the bowl. 4. Using the knife, chop several tomatoes into 8ths, or thereabouts. Make sure you have an equal amount of tomato chunks as you have onion slices (by volume, not number). 5. Put the chopped tomato bits in the bowl with the onions. 6. Using the sink and some more water, rinse the tomato gizzards off the cutting board and knife. Dry with the dish (or paper) towel. 7. Place the basil on the cutting board. Using the knife, shred and chop the basil until it is in reasonable bits. Not to small, not too big. You know what I mean. 8. Place the basil in the bowl. 9. Repeat steps 7 & 8, using the cilantro instead of the basil. 10. Pour some olive oil into the cup. Not too much now - you can always add more later. 11. Pour a whole lot more vinegar than oil into the cup. Mix this up using the fork. Mix vigorously, but try not to spill any. Taste. If the proportions are right, move on to step 12. Otherwise, add more of whichever needs to be added, either the vinegar or the oil, mix, and taste again. 12. Add some of the dry mustard to the oil/vinegar mixture. Using the fork, mix again. Taste. If you're happy, good, otherwise, add some more, mix again, and taste again. Once you're satisfied, put the cup down. 13. Using your mixing implements of choice, stir the contents of the bowl until they're all confused. Remember that this is an integrated community, so the different objects all want to be good friends together. 14. You may add the oil/vinegar/mustard mix to the bowl at any time. Use the mixing implements from step 13 to make sure all the dry ingredients get coated with the wet ingredients - make it like a little orgy in a bowl. 15. Eat the salad and enjoy it. Acceptable Variations: 1. If you can't keep from crying when peeling the onion, you can then go in the other room and spoof your significant other about how upset you were about that thing they said earlier that they don't even remember. Act really really upset. Eventually, you'll have to come clean, but they'll laugh and laugh. Trust me. 2. You can increase the number of servings by adding more ingredients. For example, try using two onions instead of one. Just remember to keep the proportions of all ingredients commensurate. 3. You can try other kinds of oil - a little sesame oil might be nice. 4. Other herbs and spices could be good as well - rosemary in the dressing, perhaps. 5. Cucumbers add an interesting twist, especially for people who don't like things as spicy as right-thinking people do. Unacceptable variations - 1. Cider vinegar. White vinegar. 2. Not peeling the onion. Music to cook by: Blue Oyster Cult - "E.T.I." (Agents Of Fortune) "I hear the music, daylight disc Three men in black said 'Don't report this' 'Ascension,' and that's all they said Sickness now, the hour's dread" See what I did there? I went and moved my diaryring to a rings and reviews page!

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