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Diaryland is calling.....
Germany is haunting me
02/15/2002 - 10:07 p.m.
Germany has been popping up in my life a lot the last few days.... first, a CD of one of my fave German records showed up literally months after I ordered it from Amazon, then I ran across some of my olde German texts when looking for a particular book to loan to a friend, then I read a truly astonishing entry by monstre which reminded me powerfully of my life there, and then today I met a woman who works in my office building from Germany; I was of course required to spray my once-fluent-now-faltering German at her......
She was good enough to pretend to be impressed by my skill, and to not be offended when I used the polite form of address.... ouch. Wotta dope.
I am beginning to think I should go back. To Germany. I haven't been there since I left, and I really do miss it. Yeah, sure, I had to go to Switzerland on business a few years back, but that was - well - Switzerland. Not quite the same thing.
Of course, just going there for a week or two isn't going to be quite the same thing either. Living somewhere for a year means no longer being a tourist. And I'm not so sure I want to be a tourist in a place I once considered home. Cuz because, that's what I would be now. A tourist. Someone passing by, just looking around, wow, how things have changed, look, that used to be the uh, place, and there, that was - um - geez - what was it called - well, it was something other than what it is now.
And yeah, everything's changed, I'm sure. It's been a long time, for one thing. Frau Becker probably doesn't run the cafe anymore, assuming it's even still there. And reunification must have made things real diff, real fast.
But the real problem is the question of my friends. I don't know where any of them are now. My history of leaving people and places behind really worked to my disadvantage, again, and I am not in touch with a single one of those people who were so very important to me.
Quiet.
Cleo.
Bruder.
Schwesterschatz.
Curly.
Noseface.
Silk.
Mikeymike.
AppleBrother.
Raspberry.
Tolchok.
Emvay.
Farmer Ted.
Blondie.
Mofagirl.
Gothette.
CynicP.
And, of course, my darling Mary.
How did I let that happen?
Pretty filthy easy, actually. Ya grow up moving from place to place, year after year after filthy year, leaving places, things, and most of all people behind, and it gets pretty dang easy to keep it up. Took me years to even figure out I was doing it, let alone figure out how to fight it. And for my German pals, that was just too dang late......
So maybe I won't go back. Maybe I'll just think about my pals, and write about 'em.
Cuz danged if I don't miss 'em. And their homeland. Oh, nostalgia, how you sneak up on us, your dewy claws stroking the back of our necks.....
Oh Red, you poetic dogmother, you.....
Richie.Ine.Gege.Kathrin.Ollie.Grizge.Silke.Laessie.Boskopp.Hember.Ratte.Wirth.Bauer.Annette.Chris.Sylvie.Peter Helbing
Music to get all misty-eyed about my youth by:
Afghan Whigs - "Bulletproof" (Black Love)
"To tell the truth... to tell it well... it all depends upon the liar...."
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